Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Top 3 Signs He Won't Marry You


These are the top 3 behaviours I’ve seen in men over the years that are red flags in any relationship. If you think he’s ready to commit, read these top five to ensure that he’s long-term material.


Warning Sign #1 – He Doesn’t Speak about Your ‘Future’.  If your beau is not talking about long-term plans with you for at least 2, 3, or 5 years ahead, this is a sign that he hasn’t entertained any thoughts that require him to think that far in advance. He hasn’t thought about the saving required to purchase a ring, plan a wedding, or prepare for children. He is not ready for marriage.

Warning Sign #2 – He Avoids the “Where are we Going?” Conversation.  If you are dating a man who stonewalls you every time you try to have a serious conversation, treats your complaints or feelings as a joke, or simply changes the topic, your man is not ready to marry you. A man who is truly ready for marriage is not afraid to talk about where the relationship is going. If you’re the one, he will say “I would like to marry you someday,” even if he can’t say that time is now.

Warning Sign #3 – He Hasn’t Invested in Time with your Parents, Friends, or Family.  When a man truly wants to marry a woman, he knows that he needs to win over her family. Knowing and liking your parents will come in handy when you need help with the wedding, need a babysitter, or when you’re attending family events – and he knows this. Guys who are ready for marriage understand the importance of family – children, parents, and even great-Aunts.

Monday, May 10, 2010

5 Signs He'll Never Leave his Mom's Basement

1. He Can't Cook: Has he ever attempted to sweep you off your feet with a romantic meal? If not, there's a good chance he's avoiding this domestic date because his culinary skills are under-par. This is a huge sign that mom is still feeding him, and his motivation to leave the nest will be dwindling by the year.

2. He Listens to his Mom over You: Ask yourself -- who has more influence over his decisions? Not just big decisions, but the daily things: his linens, his book pics, his hairstyle. If mom still wins out over you, it's time to question whether he'll ever be ready to make life decisions on his own.

3. He's Not Financially Independent: Is your man still receiving financial bailouts from mom and dad? Does he recklessly overspend on credit cards or not pay his friends back what he owes? This is an enormous red flad -- ladies beware! This man will drive you to financial ruin. If he ever does leave his parents house, he will expect you to do the same.

4. He Has Unrealistic Dreams: If he's still clinging on the hope that his rock band will "make it big," or that he'll win the lottery, he's probably not facing the reality that he needs to work hard to succeed. This type of guy needs someone to support him endlessly -- and that's one of two people: mom, or YOU.


5. He's Spoiled: In life, has he had everything handed to him on a silver platter? His car, his meals, his university education? Being spoiled is the #1 cause of laziness, and if he's been treated this way by mom and dad all his life, don't expect him to change now.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Are Men Better Partners if they have a Pet?

YES! If you're single and looking for a partner, a pet owner is an attractive candidate!

Pet owners can make better partners if you're looking for someone loyal, responsible, committed, and secure. Pet owners practice the daily exercise of looking after their pets -- through the fun and not-so-fun times, which is a sign of long term commitment and a realistic outlook on relationships. If you're single and looking for a potential mate, a person with a pet will be more understanding of the hard work a relationship requires and will have a better chance of succeeding in the relationship.

Pet ownership can have a dramatic impact on someone's love life. Opportunities to meet new people and socialize can arise every day while doing activities that are required by their pets, such as walking, jogging, and pet training classes. Owners of an adorable pet, (eg: a brand new puppy) may find themselves in the centre of attention from members of the opposite sex, and these opportunities can be perfect to strike up a conversation with a person of interest. But remember: Your cute, cuddly pet can only bring you the attention -- the rest of the work is up to you! 

As a psychotherapist and relationship expert, I always tell my clients that in order to meet like-minded people, you MUST put yourself in situations that will increase the chances of this happening! 

If you're single and looking to meet a mate, check out this "singles mixer with a twist." Come to meet local pet owning singles. Pets always make the best wingmen, so best of all, you can bring your pet and let them break the ice!

The event is happening at Pawsway Pet Discovery Centre at 245 Queens Quay East. To register, go to:


and for more information go to www.PawsWay.ca 

Check out our interview with Roger, Darren, and Marilyn on CHUM FM: 



Sunday, March 28, 2010

Can Relationships Be Addictive???


Dear Kimberly,

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we are in a vicious cycle of breaking up and getting back together. What happens is at least once a month I realize that the relationship is toxic. I start to distance myself by picking a fight or arguing with him. This ALWAYS ends in me packing my bags and storming away only to find myself calling him a few days later because I miss him. We've broken up over 30 times in 3 years.

Is something wrong with me? Please help...

Anna

Dear Anna,

Don't worry, you are certainly not alone. The process of breaking up and getting back together with a partner can certainly become a pattern if we're not aware of the emotional reasons why you're doing this. You have become 'addicted' to the cycle of an emotional roller coaster. In some situations this can be a subconscious way of relieving anxiety, or even of distracting yourself with the relationship in order to avoid other issues that you need to face. Think about if there's anything you're avoiding or 'getting out of' by staying preoccupied in this relationship. This should help in seeing the clarity of the situation.

Kimberly

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Bachelor: Does 'Love at First Sight' Exist?


The latest season of "The Bachelor" premiered last night on City TV, with heartthrob Jake Pavelka, who is most well known for his breaking of the 'man code' on last season of the Bachelorette.

Most of us groan as we hear the new Bachelorettes say "I'm in love!" the first time that they see the new bachelors. Television programs like this make us wonder, "Is it really possible to fall in love after seeing someone for the first time?"

The answer is surprisingly.... YES! I have had many clients who have experienced what they call 'love at first sight.' I've heard many tales of people meeting their partners and knowing instantly that he/she was the person they were meant to marry.

What is love at first sight?

The term 'love at first sight' can actually be called 'love at first interaction.' When we first meet someone, it takes less than a split second to determine that person's overall attractiveness. In 30 seconds, we are able to determine not only their looks, but how they interact with us, the way they smell, the tone of their voice, and the way we feel around them.

While love at first sight is possible, it happens less than we think! Hindsight bias makes it easy for people to remember the one time they fell in love with a person they found attractive at first sight, but neglect the other ten people they did not eventually fall in love with.

I recently answered some questions for CITY TV about 'Love at First Sight." Click here to watch our interview!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Does Online Dating Work?


I have a growing number of clients who are "romancing" online - and it's become so prevalent I figured it was worth addressing in my blog. In short, the answer is... (drumroll please!)

YES!

Online dating does indeed work..... but only if you're willing to put up with the pitfalls!

Pitfall #1 - It's Time Consuming! If you're planning to meet a man online, be ready to think of it as a 'part time job.' You're constantly checking for updates, chatting with people, and wading through a crowd of men before you find your prince charming.

Pitfall #2 - It Can Take Ages to Find Someone! In person, we can determine immediately who we respond well to and who is relationship material. The large number of people who date online means you're more likely to meet hundreds of people you are incompatible with in person before you meet 'the one.'

There are more blessings than pitfalls, though. Here they are ladies!

Blessing #1 - More Choice: The online world is filled with handsome, eligible, and successful bachelors: Many more than we can find waiting at our local hardward store or gym. When it comes to numbers, you just can't beat online.

Blessing #2 - No Nightclubs: We don't have to subject ourselves to "Hey Beautiful" types at nightclubs. Being online means we can stay at home in our pajamas while sorting through our possible mates.

Blessing #3 - Power of the Profile: We can choose our prettiest profile picture, update our details, and even decide the amount of information we give upfront. This sure beats meeting 'Mr. Right' on a bad hair day.

Have any of YOU had a bad or good online dating experience?

Saturday, June 27, 2009

What Makes a Perfect Girlfriend?

What makes a perfect girlfriend?

100 men were interviewed for a segment with Cosmo TV, and here are the top 3 answers.

1. She listens:

Men love to feel that their thoughts are being heard. While it's obvious that women love to be listened to, men too need feedback for their feelings and thoughts. It's great to let someone know that their thoughts are being heard. This is a sign of a great partner.

2. She challenges him:

Nobody likes a partner who just agrees with everything they say! Men like to be challenged by a girl who knows what she's talking about. If you can engage in a great conversation, you are a great girlfriend.

3. She is ambitious/has dreams and aspirations:

Men love to see that a girl has her 'own thing' going on. This is not only great for you, the woman, because you enjoy doing what you love (whether it's music, art, sports, or academics), but it's also great for the relationship. You are happier and satisfied, and therefore the relationship is more harmonious.

Watch this video from our Cosmo TV Shoot! 


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Why Self-Care is Important for Moms

I have heard many moms speak about how they need to do more for their loved ones: feed the family, maintain a career, receive glowing reviews from all sources. But what kind of a toll does this take on a person? What consequences result when moms constantly put others before themselves?

Mothers are the most guilty for spending too much time on others, and not enough time on themselves.

When was the last time you had a day at the spa, a pedicure, or a relaxing massage?

If you have not done these lately, I am prescribing that you choose one (or all) and go treat yourself immediately! Taking the time to do something for yourself, like a facial, a day of rest, or a night out with your man (treating you!) will not only give you time away from your loved ones to reflect and appreciate, but will give you added vitality throughout the week.

What do YOU do to take care of YOU? Please share!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Why do we laugh when other people "Wipeout?"

The TV program Wipeout premiered this Wednesday - a program that involves contestants completing ridiculous tasks, falling, tripping, and making fools of themselves.

Back in University, I studied by the windows in the University Centre at the University of Guelph. One day, I sat by the window of an ice patch, and one-by-one, as people walked by, they would slip and fall on the ice. Like a child, my uncontrollable reaction was to laugh. It seemed so cruel, why was I laughing when other people were hurting themselves??

I recently did an interview with TV Guide magazine on why we are programmed to laugh when other people trip and fall.

Read the article Here.

The reason we enjoy watching other people trip, fall down and hurt themselves, otherwise known as Schadenfreude, because it results in positive self-evaluation. Simply put, when others are made to look like fools, we subconsciously feel better about ourselves! We might think, ‘I’m glad that wasn’t me,’ or ‘Boy, those people are stupid!’ Psychologists say that the positive feeling while watching is actually stronger for people who have been through a recent failure or setback in their own lives.

So, perhaps when I was studying at the University of Guelph, I wasn't feeling so good about myself! That might explain why I took delight in watching the people slip and fall on the ice!

Why, then, are people attracted to Wipeout? Because laughing is a release from our usual, everyday stress and worries. When we can laugh at someone else, we can ignore our everyday dilemmas and just get lost in the “fun of it.” It’s perfectly normal and healthy to feel delight while watching others trip and fall.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Enhancing Your Fertility with Group Psychotherapy

As we now know, stress and infertility go hand in hand. Many women have now turned to psychotherapy as a way to increase their chances of becoming pregnant.

As I mentioned in my last post, I have decided to start up an interactive psychotherapy group for women. Women who are interested in this group should contact me directly via my website or email address, kimberlymoffit@yahoo.com. Here are the details:


120 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 800,
Eglinton Business Centre,
Toronto, Ontario
Every Monday at 8pm - 9:30pm
$60 - $80 per session


Are you looking to enhance your fertility with group psychotherapy? Psychotherapy has been proven to enhance a woman's fertility, as well as decrease stress, increase happiness, and provide a feeling of overall life-balance. Our Monday night group is a fun, interactive, and healing environment where women come together for the same purpose - to explore the causes of their stress, anxiety triggers, causes of family issues, relationship issues, body image, self-image, and of course to enhance their fertility. The attitude is friendly, warm, and safe. We welcome all women who are experiencing infertility, stress, and pregnancy issues.